05 February 2008

Tonight I'll just stare out my window...

I wish I could explain how great he makes me feel. His laughter is addicting. And I'm craving it.
I love having those amazing conversations with him. And the best part was when he said...
"Hey Jess, guess what? ...I love you"
...I melted.

It is these moments when I just want to jump up and down, smiling ear to ear. You know, that excitement that demands you celebrate by dancing in the kitchen all crazy-like, not caring who sees you.

It makes me think of all the sweet little things he does. The way he looks at me, and smiles. The times when my hair is in my face, and he pushes it away. I can't believe I didn't see this before.

He understands me. For every stupid thing I say, he makes sense of. And despite what everyone else tells me, he still makes me feel okay about just being me.

He's the guy that is your best friend and your greatest love. I can just tell. He wants to feel a connection with someone, and won't mess around with the people he doesn't feel that way about. He knows what he wants, and will do pretty much anything to get it. At first I despised this about him, but now I find it romantic. He knows we would be good together. And he is fighting for it. God, I'm so lucky.

I just hope I'm not jaded.

I've had my heart broken. And to be completely honest, I'm not sure it is fixed yet. So the scary part becomes trusting someone with something so fragile to begin with. And he knows this is difficult for me. He has seen me at my lowest points, when my heart was ripped into a million pieces. And he is still there. Waiting.

And I want to run to him. Make these bad memories disappear, forever. Create amazing new memories. Celebrate life. I'm young, I should be exploring the world. And I think I want to explore with him.

So I'm gonna take the first step. Breathe in deep. Speak the words I've kept locked away.

Commit to the moment and tell him right then and there.

I love you.
You've been in my heart for a while.
And that's where I want you to stay.
I don't want to think I've wasted a single moment,
moments I could have spent loving you.
So here I am.
Ready to love.

And hopefully at the end of this he will hug me. I must mention he gives the best hugs ever. They have a way of making me feel secure. Like nothing could hurt me when I'm in his arms.
It would be the perfect way to say both goodbye and hello. Goodbye to the old relationships we've been in, and hello to the greatest adventure of our lives. I'm so excited.

I can't help but smile.

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