I love the Alicia Keys and John Mayer song "Lesson learned", simply for my ability to relate on so many levels to it.
"His tears, your eyes
30 seconds to apologize
You give him one more chance, just like the time before
but he already knows you'd give a hundred more"
...they hit me like a ton of bricks.
It reminds me of so many times I ignored my better judgment and gave another chance. Just because my heart couldn't take the pain of continual loss.
I took down the pictures today.
The memories I have created over the last 4 years.
The inside jokes, the butterflies of falling in love, and the heartache of losing it all. It was written across the pictures that lined my wall. And every night I would lay my head down on the pillow, praying my happiness wasn't locked in those photos.
I lost part of myself when I lost him. I forgot how to care about myself.
And for every tear I shed, he shed none.
He made me hate him. Took everything from me, and left me helpless. It didn't matter how much I cared for him, because he didn't care enough to not hurt me. And clearly that should have been the hint to leave.
All I wanted was merely just a corner of his heart. Just a small bit that I could call mine.
And as much as I would love to tear up the pictures, I can't.
Maybe just because I still believe my happiness is in there. And I'm terrified that if I destroy the pictures, I will destroy my happiness. I know it is a crazy thought, but that's me.
I'll simply lay them in a photo box, and slip them into a drawer.
They are like forget-me-nots... for I will never forget about them.