I cleaned today. And for once I was feeling as if everything in life was falling into place. I organized my desk, and made my bed the way it should be... but rarely is. As I set all the pillows on my bed, I smelled something. Something oddly familiar. They say that scents are powerful, and can capture entire memories. God were they right. As I stood there, I couldn't help but cry.
I closed my eyes, and tried to forget. But I couldn't.
I remember so many times we spent just laying in bed, talking.
The times when you were gone, and I slept with the pillow.
Just to feel close to you.
As much as I would love to say that I don't care, I do.
I worry about you.
Wonder what you are doing.
Wonder if you lay in bed thinking the same things I do.
Wonder if you hurt like I do.
Wonder if you break down, if you can't help but cry.
Wonder if my scent is still on your pillow.
It is slowly killing me.
My heart is aching. I can't stop it.
My head is throbbing. I can't stop thinking about it.
I can't breathe. I'm starting to panic.
And everything is swirling around me. It won't slow down.
The tears well up in my eyes, and I can't brush them away.
This is too much. One person can't handle it all.
Just make it stop.
Please find a way to stop hurting me.