16 March 2008

I'm wishing these blue eyes would change your mind...

To the boy who has successfully stolen my heart over the past 4 years:

I wish you would have spoken the thoughts you kept locked in your mind. Maybe then things would have been different. I know that it was hard, but look how complicated it is now.

You always used to tell me you couldn't say no to my beautiful blue eyes. It was your kryptonite... and you couldn't resist the opportunity to then give me all that I ever wanted.

Too bad that you made up for all the spoiling with one big mistake.
A mistake that will leave me jaded for the rest of my life.
I guess I am glad you were dumb enough to get caught. At least I figured you out.

I'll never let anyone hurt me like that ever again.

You were my first love. A love that was pure. Never resentful, or contentious.
Believe me when I say that you broke my heart forever. You made me despise love.

After our relationship ended I didn't want anything to do with love. Love caused problems where relationships were starting, and changed feelings into arguments. I wanted to leave love for someone else to deal with.

And now I realize that love will forever remain a part of me. Whether or not I like it has no effect on its presence. And I must admit that despite the pain that accompanies it, love will always be welcome. How weird.

I spent so much time wondering why you didn't love me enough not to hurt me. Now I understand why it needed to happen... not so much for me, but for you.

You became too comfortable in our relationship. Nothing you did would warrant a consequence. And this led you to do things other boys would not have done. Especially when they had what you had. You thought I would always be there, no matter what happened. Well, this is where you were wrong.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too, please remember this.

And now...

To the boy that I wish I could have:

I really wanted you to like me. Not just like a cool friend like, but more as a hot, friendly, amazing girl next door attraction. Something that would hopefully lead to some great relationship that would stand the test of time. Yeah... I know that last part is a stretch. A girl can dream, can't she?

You are simply adorable.

And I have this little crush on you. Except more emphasis on crush than on little.

I wish these blue eyes could change the situation. I wish they were your kryptonite.
Maybe then I wouldn't have to love and hate our relationship like I do.

I'm really great with the words... and I know you understand how I feel.
Don't worry, I'll never act on these emotions.
I simply cannot bring myself to attempt saying anything about it.

Maybe you are just my kryptonite. And you render me speechless.

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